![[Under Construction]](images/undercon.gif)
There’s Money in Joyce
A short play in three acts
By
Michael W. Clark, Ph.D.
A Play in 9, 800 Words.
WGA Registration Number: #1294135
Eff. Date: 8/05/08
Expires: 8/05/13
LOCATION: Upscale residential home called Bloomshire in Dublin, Ohio
CAST:
Leopold Dignam – Father. Dying and dead.
Molly II – Leopold Dignam’s third trophy wife, no one’s mother
Bloom Dignam – First son of Leopold
James Dignam – Second son of Leopold
Joyce Dignam – Only daughter of Leopold
Steve Dedalus - Leopold’s Lawyer
Molly II Personal Assistant – Disgruntled short woman
ACTS:
I – The Dead
II – Bloom and Doom
III – Re-Joyce
ACT I
The Dead
Scene 1
Bedroom in Bloomshire modified as a hospital room.
Leopold is in a hospital bed with tubes and wires, bottles and monitors attached.
Beeps are in 3:4 rhythm
A breathing machine Pumps.
There is an alcohol smell.
Bloom stands off to the side. He has iPod ear plugs in both ears but is swaying to the rhythm of the beeps.
Joyce sits at a small side table taking her finger-nail polish off of her finger nails. The organic smell is strong. She too has iPod ear plugs in her ears still she sways to the beeps.
James walks in with Steve. They are deep in a discussion. They move to the far corner of the room away from the bed.
Beep & Pump & Mumble
Then Molly II flames into the room. She appears to be talking to herself.
Molly II: I asked you time and again, please fulfill my requests
promptly. By promptly I mean within that working day.
Molly II waves her hands in front of her face.
Molly II: What’s that smell? It seems to be nail polish remover.
Beep & Pump & Mumble
Molly II: Nail polish remover?
Molly II PA strolls slowly into the room.
Molly II turns around to the PA and stares.
Molly II: Nail polish remover, isn’t it?
Molly II PA points to Joyce.
Molly II: My God! My God! Joyce! Joyce. Why won’t she answer?
Molly II PA points at her own ears with both of her index fingers.
Molly II: What? Why won’t? I don’t?
Molly II PA: Ear buds. She’s Podded.
Molly II PA points at Joyce.
Molly II storms over to Joyce and then just stands there, arms akimbo, tapping her foot.
No response. Molly II reaches out to grab the Ear buds.
Joyce’s hands intercept Molly II’s wrists. Joyce’s finger tips stick out to avoid nail contact.
Joyce: I don’t like you touching my father. Why do you think I
would let you touch me? Or my things?
Molly II: I am your mother.
Joyce: Number three trophy wife is all you are. You are no one’s
mother!
Bloom opens his eyes and glances over.
James and Steve stop talking and look over to Molly II for an answer.
Molly II: Let me go.
Joyce pushes Molly II’s wrists away.
Joyce: Gladly.
Molly II PA smiles slightly. Molly II twirls abruptly around to stare at the PA.
Molly II: I want those items cleared off your docket by close of
business today.
Molly II PA: Don’t have a docket, only a desk.
Molly II: Insolence from all around me. You know what I mean. Go!
Molly II PA shrugs and follows Molly II’s pointing finger out of the room.
Joyce: If you’d spoke normally people might understand you.
Molly II: Your father is dying and you’re polishing your nails in
here?
Joyce: Unlike you, I want to be with him before he goes.
Molly II: I love your father. You insult me! You constantly insult
me. If your father were well, he’d not allow it.
Joyce: Well, he’s not well. So sit on that. Sit on it hard.
Molly II pulls back her hand as if to attempt a slap but Steve is already between them.
Joyce: How odd. A Lawyer to the rescue. Usually they enter only
after a personal injury has occurred.
Molly II glares at Steve.
Molly II: Whom were you rescuing?
Steve:
(Laughing) The situation. The circumstance. Decorum.
James: Yeah, the wife and the daughter usually wait
until after the funeral to fight over things.
Joyce shrugs.
Joyce: I like to be proactive.
Molly II collapses into Steve’s arms.
Molly II: How could they say that? Leopold is alive.
I want him that way for a long time.
Bloom rolls his eyes at James. James sighs. Joyce flicks her hands and finger outward.
Beep & Pump & Sob
Then a Mumble. Mumbled curse.
Leopold: Damn women. What’s this? Damn. Damn thing. Off! Off!
Leopold scratches at his OX mask.
Bloom walks over and lifts it off his father’s face.
Bloom: There you go Ole Man. Conscious again?
Leopold: Reluctantly.
Molly II: Oh, Leopold. My Leo the Lion.
Molly II rushes to his side.
Joyce: Hey Daddy! Hanging in there?
She wiggles her fingers in the air in his direction.
Leopold: Hanging is too good for me.
Leopold tries to laugh but coughs instead.
Bloom switches off the breathing machine. Only beeps are left.
Leopold: No priest?
James: Just like you said. No religion too.
Leopold: Good! Good Boy!
Molly II: It’s not good. Let Father Davies . . .
Leopold, Bloom, James, & Joyce: No!
Steve: Molly. There is a contract. All and you have signed it.
Molly II:
(sobs) Legality doesn’t make it right.
Bloom: When has legal and right ever been associated?
Steve: They are causal acquaintances at best.
Leopold: Half a wit is better than no wit at all.
(cough)
Joyce: You tell’em Daddy.
Leopold: Need to tell.
(gasps)
Bloom: Last words? Should I get the vidCam?
Molly II: Bloom! How could you?
Leopold:
(waving) Out! Out! Only the Dignams.
Steve goes over to help Molly II up.
Molly II: But I’m a Dignam too.
Joyce:
(yells) You are not! Blood Dignams he meant, means.
Leopold: Yes, blood. Blood only.
Molly II pushes Steve away and rushes from the room. Steve follows but at a respectable pace.
James: What is it?
Leopold: Need to tell.
Joyce: Yes, Daddy. Do tell.
Bloom: Do do please do.
Joyce punches Bloom in the shoulder.
Joyce: Stop being an ass just for a little while.
Bloom: Core competency, sorry.
James: Would you guys shut up and let him talk?
Leopold:
(coughs) Need to tell . . . Keep the books.
Bloom: I’m no accountant?
Joyce punches Bloom again.
James: Yeah Dad. We know. It’s in the Pre-mortem contract. We
all signed.
Bloom: I even read it first.
(laughs)
Leopold: Need to (cough) there’s (cough).
Joyce: Oh Daddy.
Leopold: There’s money (cough). There’s money in Joyce. (cough).
Bloom:
(laughing) Hardly! She can’t get a boy friend and that’s for free. No
one would pay her for her attentions. She has to pay
them. Gigolo a go-go. Discount dick at that.
Joyce punches Bloom harder.
Joyce: Shut up. You should talk.
James: Dammit both of you! Just shut the fuck up. Obviously, he
meant James Joyce, not our Joyce.
Bloom: More than obvious to me. It was my point.
Leopold:
(coughing & weak)
There’s money in Joyce. (cough)
Bloom: I reiterate my disagreement to one of the meanings of
that statement.
Joyce punches Bloom again.
Leopold: All of my smart sperm must have been slow or suicidal.
The dumb and athletic always won in my sperm races. It
must have been your mother’s fault. She never had any
common sense.
Bloom: An X here (points at Joyce) and a Y (points to himself) Y
(points to James) there. What a giving parent he was. She
only gave out X’s. Excellent!
Joyce smacks Bloom in the face this time. He just laughs.
James: God, stop proving his point. Give it a rest. You could give
Christ a nervous breakdown.
Leopold coughs and hacks violently and then silence. Followed by a loud farting noise while the beeping turned to a continuous tone.
Joyce punches Bloom again. He won’t stop laughing.
Joyce: This is not time for your not-silent but deadlies.
Bloom: Wasn’t me, but we seemed to have lost a rhythm. Dad
has lost a beat.
Joyce: Oh my God Dad! James?
James picks up the phone and punches three numbers, but a doctor and two nurses are already rushing in.
Bloom: Just like the ole man. Never liked to do what normal folks
would do.
James moves out of the way of the doctor and nurses. They work on feverously.
James: What now?
Bloom: No death rattle, just a death fart.
Joyce cries at Leopold’s feet as the doctor works futilely.
James; Yeah, death stinks.
Scene 2
Library in Bloomshire.
It smells of old books.
James sits there in the chair.
He is in a black suit, tie loose.
James: Yeah, very funny dad. There’s money in Joyce, but no
money in the bank. You were such a joker. Puns and
silliness. OCD giddy. So silly it wasn’t funny at all. Your
James Joyce fetish was just screwy. You were so good
at business. So where’s the money my dear dead dad?
James takes a long drink from a bottle of Glenlivet.
James: And that Will. Hell, it wasn’t funny at all, it wasn’t even
filled with good intentions. More a lack of Will. A non-
Will. Will-less. Dead Dad Dignam seemed to achieve the
impossible and has taken the money with him. Doubt
there are many bankers in heaven to appreciate this
achievement. Certainly no Republicans.
James took another pull on the bottle.
James: Can’t even sell these fucking books. Signed that damned
pre-mortem contract. Books! Books! Plenty of first
editions. Christ in a jetplane! No one reads anymore.
Not that they would amount to much if I could sell them.
Video is the thing. Video this video that. Reading is
boring. Cartoons are better. Cartoons? Bright colorful.
Bright enough, Colorful enough doesn’t matter what they
are selling, ah telling. Mongo? No manga they call
cartoons in Japan. Graphic novels here. Hmmm. Money
in Joyce. Dear dead dad Dignam’s last gasp.
A cartoon Leopold Bloom? Was that it? Make money with
Joyce?
James took another pull on the bottle.
James: Shit! Just a drunk grasping at straws. Scotch through a
straw? Ha! Dead-drunk Dignam. James can’t count the
cash Dad left him. All he got was change. The change he
deserved. Spare change. Shit in a small bucket, mostly.
James just stares out in a drunken stupor. He jumps as there is a banging on the library door. James looks over.
James: Dad? You doing a Hamlet thingy. Dignam did appear as a
ghost in Ulysses. But that’s all fiction. Some guy made it
up. Not reality.
Banging again. James shakes his head.
James: Noisy ghost.
Molly II:
(muffled) James! You can’t hide forever. Let me in! James!
James: Dad, death has changed your voice. A spiritual
transvestite?
Bang, bang, Rattle of door knob.
Molly II:
(muffled) I’ll get a locksmith. Dedalus can pick a lock. He’s a Lawyer.
James frowns and looks at the door.
James: No spiritual intervention but a succubus or is it an
incubus? One’s a soul sucker, so whichever applies.
James leans over and flicks the door handle. Molly II stumbles into the room. One of her breasts falls out of her wrap around Little-black dress. She has on a black lace bra. She walks over to James and very slowly adjusts her dress. She wants to make certain James sees all that is there to see.
Molly II: How could Ole Digme make us co-owners of this House?
Bloomshire, he called it. It was like his pet. Another
trophy.
James: Half a trophy? I don’t know? So I have to pay the taxes I
guess. Dad didn’t like taxes.
Molly II takes the bottle from James. She is close to him. She takes a long drink.
Molly II: Maybe he was asking you to take care of little defenseless
Molly?
James: Who would that Molly be, Molly Two? Is there a Molly
Three I don’t know about?
Molly II: Oh James. I mean me. Molly me, can’t you see?
She twirls around. The skirt of the little black dress expands to reveal most of what was there. Molly II giggles.
James shakes his head and frowns.
Molly II: I only have part of the house, no cash. Can you believe it? No cash at all.
James: Stock walks, cash talks. Sell your stock in Animus. Dad’s
death caused the stock price to go up, up and away. Sort
of a dead Wall Street Superman. Up, up and away.
Molly II: But I need that stock. It’s my vote.
James: Vote? Vote? Vote on a boat? You never cared about
Animus doings before.
James gives her a drunken wiggle of the finger.
Molly II giggles and leans over to James face.
James burps.
James: You’re not good with operations. Not detail person.
(burps again) Just tail.
Molly II: Oh James. You are so silly of a man.
James: Not funny. Non-funny. Nothing humorous at all. Joyce
says I couldn’t get a laugh out of a hernia . . . Hyena.
Need to get drunker. I’m only partly making sense. Need
to make no sense at all. My life’s work.
Molly II: But I can’t live in this house without a cash flow. How will
I pay my P.A.s salary?
James: Make it an Ex-P.A. is best. It’s a detail. Just a little
detail. Demon in De-tail. Ouch!
James wags his butt slightly, jumps forward and giggles.
Molly II: That’s just being unreasonable.
James: Mostly that’s business, reasonable unreasonableness.
Unreasonable reason?
Molly II: What does that mean James?
James: I have no idea.
Molly II: What should I do?
James: Do? Do? Do what ya do and re-do it. Too much do do I
guess.
Molly II takes another drink.
Molly II: If you will let me.
She leans in on James and they both fall over on the floor. James laughs hysterically.
Joyce then walks into the Library.
Joyce: What’s the noise. Ohhhh . . . God James? You couldn’t be
that drunk.
James: Yes, I could (giggles)
Molly II stands up.
Molly II: Joyce you are always so mean to me.
Joyce: Not mean enough, you’re still here.
James laughs and rolls a round on the floor. Joyce kicks him. He laughs more.
Joyce: Ass.
Molly II rushes out of the library.
Joyce kicks James again.
Joyce: Not even a complete ass.
James: Semi-ass. A demi-ass.
Joyce: I take that back. A completely big ass.
She kicks him again. He laughs and laughs.
Scene 3
A bedroom in Bloomshire
Molly II and Steve are in the bed naked.
Molly II: What can you do for me?
Steve: Well, give me about ten minutes. Jeez. Men aren’t like
women. It’s a blood pressure and emotions thingy.
Molly II: I thought Lawyers were bloodless.
Steve: No just the good Lawyers leave their opponents drained of
their blood.
Molly II: I want you being a good Lawyer then. The sex thing
doesn’t matter. It’s the money, the money, the
inheritance or lack of it. That’s the only thingy I care
about at this moment.
Steve: Since this good Lawyer wrote the Will. No. I am unable
to defeat myself. It’s “physician heal thyself”, not
“Lawyer defeat thy self”.
Molly II: How could you do this to me?
Steve: It’s a timing issue I guess. Post-mortem coitus as
apposed to pre-mortem coitus.
Molly II: Sleeping with the dead? Ugh! What are you talking
about?
Steve: Simply sex on which side of your husband’s death. This is
definitely after the fact. A post-mortem fact. Post-
mortem fuck.
Molly II: But you must have known how I felt about you on the pre
thingy.
Steve: Pre-mortem?
Molly II: Yeah that. You knew I would have done anything for you,
to you.
Steve: Yeah, that was never an issue.
Molly II: What is it called Quid pro quo?
Steve: Something for something?
Molly II: Uh hun. One thing in return for another.
Steve: I think that would have required ESP on my part. There’s
no such thing.
Molly II: Oh? You must have sensed.
Steve: Sense? In this world or at least the part of the world I
dwell in, sense and sensing don’t exist.
Molly II: Just the facts you are saying.
Steve: Preferably written down in a FAX and signed. Yes. No
sensing. No sense. No confusion. Yes.
Molly II: You mean you wanted a Fuck FAX?
Steve: A perfectly legal document. Clear and unambiguous
sexual agreement. Very modernistic.
Molly II slapped Steve on his naked chest.
Molly II: You’re just making fun of me. Everyone does it. I hate
that.
She turns away. Steve spoons up to her back.
Steve: Look at that. Ten minutes not required. Promise one
thing deliver more. The Animus Corporate Motto.
Molly II: That’s the Firm’s logo I presume.
Steve: It is an instrument of the law.
Molly II: A legal organ is it?
(giggles)
Steve: Argumentum ad baculum.
Molly II: What? Is that condescending? Sounds insulting.
Steve: Argument with a stick.
Molly II: A legal term is that?
(Hums)
Steve: It is a useful term in the law.
Molly II: Then argue with me. Really good long arguing. Hit me
with that stick.
Scene 4
Bloomshire Library.
Leopold sits behind the desk. Joyce paces back and forth in front of it.
Joyce: How could you?!
Leopold: Which of the many Coulds in my life do you mean?
Joyce: Marry again. And to that Molly? The second Molly. Too
OCD for me. For anyone.
Leopold: Oh that Could?
Joyce: Yeah, that Could. How could you?
Leopold: What can I say. I’m an old guy. A rich old guy. Still a guy
with only a few Coulds like that left in him.
Joyce: Gosh, Leo. If it’s just sex, hire it.
Leopold: Some feminist I’ve raised. Sex as business only? What
about love?
(chuckles)
Joyce: Love? When was love ever a Could for Leopold Dignam?
Leopold: That is a funny thought isn’t it.
Joyce: Dignam in Love? Yeah, funny isn’t the first adjective I
think of.
Leopold: Is funny an adjective?
Joyce: What else would it be? Not a noun.
Leopold: It sounds like a noun.
Joyce: No, it doesn’t. Funniness is the noun.
Leopold: No, that sounds like an adjective.
Joyce: No, it’s a noun just like fun is a noun.
Leopold: Nouns can be dull sounding.
Joyce: Nouns are just names of things.
Leopold: Yeah, dull dull dull as Paul. No fun at all.
Joyce: You trying to tell me something?
Leopold: It’s one of the few Coulds I have available.
Joyce: You’ve always been such a pain.
Leopold: Nothing else to gain.
Joyce: No wonder you’ve been married so many times. Avoidance
behavior. Avoidance of reality.
Leopold: The only person I really want to avoid, I can’t.
Joyce: You asked me to stay here.
Leopold: Not you. Not your brothers. Not any old temporary wife.
Joyce: You? You mean you?
Leopold: I mean Leopold Dignam true. Can’t avoid yourself unfortunately.
Joyce: I like Leopold Dignam.
Leopold: But your judgment is suspect as both of your brothers have
often Documented.
Joyce: Brothers do that. What family’s are for.
Leopold: Yeah, what else would they be for?
Joyce: Depends upon the family.
Leopold: Depends upon the people.
Joyce: It always does.
Leopold: It always depends upon circumstance.
Joyce: Life as circumstance.
Leopold: Life is circumstantial.
Joyce: These father daughter talks are always so confusing.
Leopold: Just teaching you about life.
Joyce: Life is circumstantial and confusing?
Leopold: I’ve done my job adequately then.
Joyce: I still don’t like Molly II.
Leopold: Neither do I, so we agree again. But who likes a trophy
after you’ve received it?
Joyce: Just a trophy wife. Just an affectation. Just for
appearances.
Leopold: I am such a good teacher.
Joyce: You are also an asshole.
Leopold: There has been much corroboration of that noun, true.
Joyce: I still do like you.
Leopold: We have already stated, your judgment is impaired.
Joyce: The definition of love I guess.
Leopold: Impaired judgment and love? Yes, yes, on that. We agree
. . . was that what you wanted to discuss?
Joyce: I’m not sure but . . . yeah. I guess.
Leopold: Well, I love you too. Now I need to work.
Scene 5
Bloomshire Library
James now sits behind the desk.
Joyce paces in front of it.
James: Dear Dead Dad Dignam.
Joyce: Four D’s.
James: Leo was a hard man to understand.
Joyce: Not so hard. Just kind of shy.
James: Shy? Leo Dignam was not. Never shy. Whatever the
opposite of shy is? Leo was that. Never shy. Not shy.
Joyce: Well, emotionally weak. Impaired.
James: An inherited trait. Emotional impairment. That, as a
family trait, I can agree.
Joyce starts to cry. James rubs his forehead with his eyes closed tightly.
James: Do you have a point?
Joyce: A point to pointlessness? How would you uncover that?
James: Too existential for me. I’m just trying to make a living for
us all. What dead dad did with all the money I just can’t
figure out. Impairment is right. Was right. It was him.
Success at random. Eventually was his style. Just try any
old product in any market and go with what sticks.
Joyce: The Pasta approach to product marketing?
James: I guess? Throw it against the wall, when it sticks, it’s
done. More like Russian roulette with three bullets.
Joyce: One for each of us.
James: Yeah, sort of my point.
Joyce: A small point in a pointless world.
James: An annoying world. Is annoyance pointless? It seems
pretty sharp to me. Always draws blood from me. Animus
finances are killing me with a thousand paper cuts. I’m
not sure I can keep it going.
Joyce: Dad wouldn’t have, couldn’t have fucked up so badly.
James: Too sentimental a statement for me. Now I can only play
with the hand dealt me.
Joyce: You should ask for some better cards.
James: When I find the dealer I will. Maybe it’s just time for my
bullet?
Joyce: What can we do?
James: Maybe random roulette.
Joyce: What does that mean?
James: It means I have no real idea.
Joyce: “There’s money in Joyce.” Dad’s last words.
James: No, his last words were insulting us.
Joyce: Dad was good with popular trends.
James: It was that randomness thing.
Joyce: But still . . .
James: I was thinking about a manga or graphic novel.
Joyce: What people read in Japan.
James: Yeah, just like in Japan.
Joyce: Anime too?
James: Anime too. Why not? As soon as possible.
Joyce: About Joyce? It is something.
James: Ulysses I was thinking but maybe Joyce himself too. It is
something and something is better than.
Joyce: Nothing.
James: Sometimes a bitter nothing.
Joyce: Bitter is sometimes better.
James: That’s what he said about Molly I. Remember?
Joyce: Yes. I remember.
Scene 6
A hallway lined with paintings.
James is standing there dazed.
James: A bored meeting. A meeting of the Bored. A bored
member, wooden and dull. Bored and boring. A boring,
bored meeting. Bored meeting the bored. Life can be so
dull and confusing. I want to puke.
Molly II walks up behind James. She puts her arms around James from behind.
Molly II: I could make you less dull and bored.
James: Nothing for the nausea though?
James pulls away. Molly II slowly hugs the air.
Molly II: Nausea seems to be a common state in this company.
James: The State of Nausea. The 51st State.
Molly II: We don’t need to be enemies.
James: Too bored a member to be an enemy too.
Molly II: Cash poor. Too poor to be enemies. Too poor for
boredom.
James: You still have your voting stock. It’s still marketable.
Molly II: Hardly worth anything now.
James: Should have sold it when I said.
Molly II: Poor Leopold’s death was the best thing for Animus stock.
James: But death has a limited impact on the stock market. His
expiration has an expiration date. In Non-memoriam, so
to speak.
Molly II: How soon they forget.
James: Gone but forgotten.
Molly II: But what do we do with Animus?
James: “When in doubt, try anything, everything.” Dear dead Dad
used to say.
Molly II: But James Joyce? Twentieth century academic curiosity is
all.
James: Ireland is an up and coming economy now.
Molly II: Full of Poles I heard. Was when Leopold and I last visited.
James: Mostly they’re drunk too. They fit right in. “An Ireland
sober is an Ireland Free.” To quote James Joyce himself.
Molly II: Can Animus sell into Ireland?
James: Every things made in China. Drop ship it any where in the
world.
Molly II: But the marketing.
James: It’s always “But the marketing.” Internet 2.0 or 3.0 or
whatever it is now.
Molly II: A viral James Joyce?
James: Portrait of a viral artist as a young man.
Molly II: But are puns enough?
James: A very interesting question. Are puns enough? Hmmm?
Molly II: Well, are they?
James: When it’s all you have left. They have to be. A pun will
have to do. A pun in the oven might rise to the occasion?
Molly II: I think the whole thing is screwy.
James: That’s kind of the definition of trying everything. Screwy
falls into the everything category.
Molly II: You ever read James Joyce?
James nods.
Molly II: But you went to college.
James nods.
Molly II: Still seems screwy.
James nods.
Scene 7
Bloomshire Living room. Bloom is laughing and dancing. No music heard. He is dancing to his iPhone. He is talking to the iPhone. There is an image on the screen dancing with him. He is electronic virtual couples dancing. Viral dancing.
Bloom: Yeah I know . . . real fiction action figures . . . Yeah, animated
Molly Bloom babbling as she is pissing in an action figure piss
pot. The tinkle Monologues. . . I know . . . Ha . . . ha . . .
fetish entertainment . . . sure, there is a market but tiny . . .
Ha . . . Ha . . . I know. Did well in Japan of all things. They
love their odd ball cartoons. Yeah, but bombed everywhere
else in the world. Went over like a lead ice cube, like a lead
dildo. . . . No I don’t know what that means. Ha . . . Ha . . .
Ha! No I don’t know what Dad was talking about. Not a clue.
“Money in Joyce.” Putting Joyce out on the street likely would
be more profitable. . . Ha . . . Ha! Yeah, maybe not . . . Ha . .
Ha. Oh, I did . I did, . . . The real action fiction figures.
Yeah, people already sell literary action figure dolls. But who
buys those? A Bust of Shakespeare or Beethoven. I guess it’s
that sort of thing. Association by representation. Image
envy. Real fiction action figures? I thought it was a good joke
too. Oxy-morons! I didn’t think they would take it seriously.
I even told them it was your idea. Just with that James
should have known it was a joke. Yeah, I’ve seen the Poe
action figure. Still . . . yeah, but they are doing it.
Molly of the Potty.
Leopold staggering in a bowler hat.
Dedalus simply confused.
And a set of drunken Dubliners. They drink, fall down and
puke all over themselves.
Lead dildo is right. They’ll sell in Japan for sure. Just like a
night in Tokyo.
And then there’s the Dead Patty Dignam in a casket – his
ghost is not included. The ghost is a consumable. Literally.
Yeah you can eat it. It’s a candy ghost. Spiritual food. My
idea. It was a joke too . . . taken too
seriously I am sometimes. No really they are doing it. Casper the edible ghost. . . Money makes people stupid . . . the desperate scramble for money makes people goofy stupid. Goofy stupid. . . . Yeah, we should start a web-site called that, GoofyStupid.net. We could sell lead dildos. The perfect present for the Queen with everything. But shipping would be a bitch. Solid lead dildo would be heavy. Yeah, maybe a hollow lead dildo . . . Hey, what about a virtual lead dildo? Just pay for the handling . . . Ha . . . Ha . . . Ha! I don’t know what that means either, funny though, but it would probably sell . . . goofy stupid, just goofy enough for Web 2.0.
ACT II
Bloom and Doom
Scene 1
Bloomshire Library
Leopold is sitting at his desk with various bottles of colored liquid in them.
He then poured some liquid in the glass in front of him.
He is tasting each one of them and reacting badly to each taste.
Joyce walks in on him and grimaces.
Joyce: Ugh! Dad! What is this stuff.
Leopold holds out a glass of bright green liquid.
Leopold: Just a small sips.
Joyce smells it and shakes her head.
Joyce: Drinking industrial solvents will kill you before it blinds
you.
Leopold giggles and sips.
Leopold: The original blind siding. Good (coughs) Getting Absinthe
minded.
Joyce picks up a bottle and reads the label.
Joyce: Oh, more of your James Joyce fetish – absinthe.
Leopold: Absinthe makes the heart grow stronger.
Joyce: Didn’t it blind your favorite author? Mr. Eye patch.
Leopold: It is a false accusation. That’s what people think, but like
what must people think, it’s wrong.
Joyce: Christ, Dad! This is 75% alcohol. It is industrial solvent.
Leopold: A good antiseptic true. You know, the Greek word for
undrinkable is apsinthion – absinthe.
Joyce: Greeks were right there, just from the smell and the color.
No tasting needed.
Leopold: You like licorice as a kid. I think I remember. Black not
red.
Joyce: Anise flavoring. Yeah, I like black jelly beans too but you
can’t remove paint with them. It’s not the flavor, it’s the
poison in that green poison.
Leopold: Named the Company after your preference.
Joyce: The company’s called Animus, meaning “mean spirited.”
Just the way I feel about your latest trophy wife. Not my
preference actually, but your’s.
Leopold: No, Animus actually means spirit or mind but I originally
named the company Ani-Miss. Anise for licorice and Miss
for my baby daughter Joyce. Look on the original
Corporate papers. Ani-Miss Inc. The marketing people
changed it later.
Joyce: Ahhh! Dad. So sentimental.
Leopold: No, I think they changed it because of the hyphen. The
marketing pukes don’t like hyphens for some reason.
Hyphenists or some such.
Joyce: So you are going to all this elaborateness just to get a
sentimental drunk on for me.
Leopold: I like Absinthe minded.
Joyce: Yeah, blind drunk, that’s the point.
Leopold: Yeah, people think Joyce drunk himself blind, but don’t
blame the alcohol. He did it do himself.
Joyce: Too much reading? Always thought it was bad for your
eyes. Definitely he did too much writing.
Leopold: Nope. Iritsis. It’s an auto-immune disease. His own body
turned on itself. White blood cells crowded into his eyes.
Joyce: His body must have been a literary critic. Stop him before
he re-Finnegan’s.
Leopold: Great. To Finn again. Stop me before I Finn-again.
Joyce: I know, the devil made him do it.
Leopold: To bore is human; to perplex is divine.
Joyce: Yeah, god help us all. So what is this all about?
Leopold: Want Animus to carry a line of Absinthe.
Joyce: But it’s illegal to sell it in the USA since 1910 or
something.
Leopold: 1912, but just resented the Absinthe ban.
Joyce: Absinthe of wit will you call it. This stuff looks like motor
oil not a liquor.
Leopold: Nascar is the fastest growing spectator sport.
Joyce: Yeah, but they don’t want to eat the cars. Fuck them
maybe but not eat them.
Leopold: Drink them in? (He sips again and frowns) with their eyes
and lips.
Joyce: Oh god. Nuts more than absinthe minded.
Leopold: Always looking for new opportunities.
Joyce: Yeah and wives.
Leopold: Everything to its purpose. The Frog green I like the Frog
green wormwood the best.
Scene 2
Bloomshire Library.
Bloom sits at Leopold’s desk with only the bottle of Frog Green wormwood and the same glass Leopold used. Each sip he takes he grimaces the same way Leopold did. Bloom is IPodded. He watches the screen between the sips.
Molly II walks in. Bloom doesn’t notice. She talks without looking directly at Bloom.
Molly II: James is running Animus to hell. All these stupid literary
allusions. James Joyce related nick-knacts. Silliness. A
Molly Bloom cartoon? What out right shit. It’s like he’s
doing it on purpose.
She twirls around
You hear me? Bloom? He’s screwing up intentionally.
She slams her hand on the desk.
You hear me? Intentionally! Screwing it up.
Bloom looks over to her.
Bloom: Who’s intentionally screwing whom? Is the vid on iTunes?
Molly II sniffs the glass, grimaces and puts it back down.
Molly II: How can you drink that stuff?
Bloom: You drank everything else. Process of elimination.
Survival of the shittiest.
Molly II: Every one of you Dignam’s think you are funny, but you are
not.
Bloom: Tragedy is easy, comedy is hard.
Molly II: What is that supposed to mean? Is that an insult?
Bloom: I don’t need to think up new insults around here.
Molly II: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Bloom: The old ones apply and work just fine.
Molly II: You are insulting me, calling me common, unoriginal. No
one here is anything special. You know that?
Bloom: Yeah, I know, slow suicidal sperm and such. Old news.
Molly II: Most news is.
Bloom pulled out one earplug.
Bloom: Why that’s the most insightful thing I’ve ever heard you
say.
Molly II: What is? Is this another insult?
Bloom: That all news is old news.
Molly II: Well, by the time I’ve heard it. The actual event is a long
time gone. Nothing exceptional ever happens to me.
Bloom: Everything for its purpose. Dear Dead Dad Dignam would
have said.
Molly II: Yeah, he would have at that. Some sort of insult it was
too.
Bloom: Some sort of, sort of. Yes.
Molly II slams her hand on the desk again, but harder splashing the Frog green wormwood from the glass on to her hand.
Molly II:
(screams) Oh shit! This crap is dissolving my finger nail polish.
She blows on her hands that she holds up in the air.
I just got my nails done. Damn all of you!
Bloom: I think those matters have already been decided.
Molly II: I hate this family.
Bloom: And the family hates you. So we are all in agreement.
How nice. Mutual hate. Such an American Family thing.
Molly II flips her hands at Bloom and stomps out of the room.
Bloom looks down at the desk.
Bloom: Boy! It’s even taking the varnish off the desk.
Bloom looks around for something to wipe up the frog green wormwood.
Scene 3
Bloomshire Living room
James looks out of the Bay window.
He has a bottle of Scotch in his hand.
On the coffee table are Action figures.
Some are made of plastic.
Some are made of sugar – Edible Ghosts
James: Shakespeare’s ghost always spoke. Communicated in
some way. My ghosts are all silent. Casper the deaf
mute ghost.
He turns and picks up one of the sugar figures. He examines it. He holds it up to the light. He holds the bottle of Scotch to the light too.
James: Sugary ghosts, silent but edible are my spirits.
He takes a pull on the Scotch and then pops the edible ghost into his mouth. He then shakes his head.
James: Drinkable and edible spirits. Perfect for Animus but
consumables is such a competitive, brutal market to play
in. Candy business is far from sweet. Toy business far
from playful. Booze business is just fads and fashion.
Can’t penetrate! Can’t communicate! Useless ghosts
mine. De-spirited spirits, lacking espirit de corps. Some
ephemeral aid? Some spectral succor? Damn it! Talk to
me Dad! How do I make this work? It’s not fair!
James slumps down in the over-stuffed chair and takes another long pull on the Scotch. He then falls asleep. A moment of his light snores and then there is a crash-slam. James jerks awake.
James: Dad?
James remains seated but wide eyed. Another big bump causes him to jump up and sway drunkenly.
James: Alas, poor ghost!
A large shadow looms at the rear of the room. It slams again noisily against the wall.
James: Is that my father’s spirit?
And the shadow falls over the back of the couch. It is naked Molly II and shirtless Dedalus. They fall on to the couch and keep up all of their groping.
James: No paternal specter, just a firm Lawyer. The Lawyer of the
Firm with a capital F. And the modest Molly. A business
meeting, obviously. A beast of business. A beast at
business.
James pulls at the last of the scotch.
James: My consumable spirits have fulfilled their purpose.
James sways as he stands looking at the beast with two backs.
Molly II looks over. She knows James is there.
Molly II: Oh James. I thought you were in bed.
James: So did I.
Steve: Oh well, so ah . . . Sorry fella.
Steve goes to get up. Molly II holds him in place.
James: No. I am the sorriest.
Molly II: (giggles coyly)
Oh James. We are all adults. All family here.
Steve moves again. Molly II holds again.
James: Intimate relations clearly.
Molly II: As family always should be.
James: Family? Should be? What?
Molly II: Intimate.
Steve: Hey!
Molly II: Shhh. The closer the better.
James: Close and bitter?
Molly II: Better, not bitter. You need to come closer.
James: Become bitterer?
Molly II: Just come over here. It would be best.
Steve: For who?
Molly II: Shhh. For all the family.
James: With a capital F? No. No. Time!
Molly II: There are plenty of tomorrows. Time enough for just a
little intimate joy.
James: Bitter and immediate? No! Time!
Steve: He should sleep it off. So should you.
Steve finally breaks away from Molly II’s hug and sits up
James: No time for business meetings now. Got to think.
Steve: Got to drink? You’ve had more than enough.
James: Think and drink? Time? Never enough. Any of it.
Molly II slaps Steve’s naked back.
Molly II: Someone needs to think about business much much more.
James: Edible ghosts.
Steve: Comestible host?
James: Consumable literature.
James points at the sugar figures.
Steve: Virtual cannibalism?
James: Eating the imagination, your own or others.
Steve: You should go to bed and sleep.
James: I thought I was.
Molly II: Was what?
James: In bed asleep.
Molly II: Dreaming of me?
James: No! Ugh! You are right. I should go and try to dream.
No dreamless is best.
Steve: Do dead men dream?
James: Gosh I hope not. Want it over and done.
Molly II: Done and over.
Molly II slaps Steve’s back harder.
James: D’over?
Steve: Go to bed.
Steve stands up and walks out of the room.
Scene 4
Molly II clothed in the Bloomshire’s living room with Bloom.
He has his iPod attached to one ear.
Molly II: I need cash.
Bloom: Sell your stock. James always says that to me.
Molly II: But control?
Bloom: Control of what? Animus is near as dead as Dad. A ghost
of its former self.
Molly II: My position on the Board.
Bloom: Horizontal is not working for you?
Molly II: You’re such a viscous shit.
Bloom: Mirrors are ugly things aren’t they? No one really wants to
see themselves. I know I don’t.
Molly II: I would rather sell this house.
Bloom: Your share of the house?
Molly II: You’re willing to buy me out?
Bloom: I have no cash either. My stock’s already gone. Gone
before it was Forgotten, obviously.
Molly II: What should I do then?
Bloom: How would I know? I don’t know what I’m going to do
with myself. I too was counting on a cash inheritance.
And I got stock and a share of the house like everyone
else. The stock-cash went for my Internet Gift web-site
that didn’t do too well.
Molly II: That bubble popped a long time ago.
Bloom: Well, there’s the time honored solution for you.
Molly II: And that is?
Bloom: Re-marry richer.
Molly II: You know any one?
Bloom: I’d fuck him myself if I did Honey.
Molly II: So crude.
Bloom: And rude don’t forget. Everyone has their purpose.
Molly II: And useless.
Bloom: I refer back to my previous comment.
Scene 5
James is alone in the Bloomshire library talking on his mobile phone.
James: I said I hate Republicans because they always fuck up the
economy when they are in power.
Listens
James: No, I said Republicans fuck up the economy not
Economists. Economists don’t do anything useful, likely,
not even that.
Listens
James: If they knew how to make money they would be doing that
and not making shit up like they do instead.
Listens shaking his head.
James: I don’t hate Economists. I don’t care about Economists.
No Republicans, well, politicians, in general, I guess.
Listens
James: Politicians not politics. You keep fading in and out.
Listens
James: I know you’re not political.
Listens
James: Not government, those politicians.
Listens
James: I trust you that’s why I talk to you like this. You think I
would tell one of the Republican Board members that I
hate them?
Listens
James: Yeah, well, yes, I would I guess, but anyway I do trust
you.
Listens
James: No more than the usual routine back stabbing . . .
opportunistic lying only, I’m sure.
Listens, looking down at the phone and shaking it. He goes over to the window.
James: I’m certain. (nods) I’m nodding my head. I’m so sure.
Listens
James: I’ve always tried to operate in a way that trust isn’t
necessary.
Listens
James: Good and confusing? Well, that works too I guess. But
anyway I called about the Absinthe.
Listens
James: No. Not your absence. The Absinth. The liquor.
Listens
James: I know you told me we should put a warning label on it,
but about the effects of a hangover? I thought they were
obvious?
Listens
James: Well, it already says this product will make you feel really
good and then really bad. How’s that vague? I thought
the Law liked vague?
Listens
James: Glib now? Too glib for the Law?
Listens
James: I know the Law is serious business. It’s a gigantic serious
business. I sign checks paying our various specialized
Law firms.
Listens
James: Yeah, seems like everyone lives in a hole these days.
Listens
James: Oh, pigeon holed. Niched yeah. I’ve been niched way too
many times in my life.
Listens
James: I know, too glib again. This law suit comes at the very
moment that our Absinth sales have dropped into the
abyss. The Abyss of Absinth. Absinth abuse now.
Listen
James: It’s not too much alliteration. I don’t think it’s that at all!
And what would it matter if it was? It doesn’t. Just find
a way to settle this.
Listens
James: Anything but money. Animus has no cash. Give him
product. We have plenty of that.
Listens
James: The hair of the dog that bit him yes. Why not? Everyone
likes free stuff. Yeah, especially stuff that’s not good for
you.
Listens
James: Yeah, that was going to be the next marketing campaign.
“It’s so good, it’s really bad for you.”
Listens and nods
James: Yes, I thought so for the extremeophile, twenty
somethings. Anything that doesn’t quite kill you has to
be fun. Yeah, those maniacs. But 20ish types are fad
driven.
Listens
James: Yeah, that’s the definition of a fad. It comes and then
goes. A “out of nowhere back to nowhere” . . . It’s an
attention span thing I think.
Listens
James: Yeah, short ones. Real short ones . . . yes, very funny.
It’s why Viagra is so popular. Ha. Ha.
Molly II just walks in without knocking.
James: Gotta go! Another reason for Viagra just walked in. Bye! (snaps off )
Molly II: Why thank you.
James: For what?
Molly II: Your last compliment.
James: When was that? I have memory problems.
Molly II slaps him on the chest.
Molly II: The Viagra comment.
James: That wasn’t a compliment.
Molly II: What else would it be?
James waves his hands to forget it.
James: I know. It’s about money.
Molly II: What is?
James: Your reason d’etre.
Molly II looks down at herself.
Molly II: My what?
James: Your reason for being here.
Molly II: You always say that.
James: You always say that too. And it’s always true.
Molly II: You always say that when I say you say that.
James: Reductus ad absurdum
Molly II:
(giggles) You always say that too. Sounds a bit dirty.
James: It is. It’s Latin.
Molly II: This Family loves to show off. And you’re not religious.
James frowns at her.
James: I have no money to give you. I repeat, sell your stock when you can.
Molly II: But I can’t get the price I want.
James: Value comes from what someone is willing to pay for
something. What you want has little to do with it.
Molly II: Can’t you manipulate the stock or something? Do the Wall
Street shuffle? Animus buy back the stock at a higher
price. It would get people worked up and I would be very
happy.
James: And I would be in jail.
Molly II: People do it all of the time.
James: Go to jail for doing stupidly obvious things? Yeah, I know.
Molly II: Doesn’t stop them
James: Stops me.
She rubs up beside James.
Molly II: You wouldn’t take a chance for me?
James: Not drunk enough for that. Never be drunk enough.
Molly II: What about the house?
James: Remember the contract you signed? Stock goes first
before the house. Dad’s restrictions.
Molly II: Poor dead Dignam. It was almost like he didn’t love me
enough.
James: It was just business to my Dear Dead Dad.
Molly II: Love? Only business?
James: All of it. Everything. Life, just business. Just a business
deal.
Molly II: He loved me. He loved you kids.
James: I would need some solid evidence to support either
statement.
Molly II: Only business then . . . hmmm.
James nods
Molly II: You would live up to the contract?
James: Or the Ghost of Dad Dignam would haunt me.
Molly II: Do it!
James: You already do.
Molly II: What do you mean this time?
James: The haunting, I thought you meant.
Molly II: No sell the stock. Sell the house. No one wants me here.
Might as well move out of a losing proposition.
James: Losing all round. Okay, by me. Need to talk to the rest of
us Dignam kidener.
Molly II: Would you?
James: Might as well.
Molly II: You are not as bad as a person as you put on.
James: Yes, I am. I’m not a very good actor.
Molly II: Screwy family.
James: Most are.
Molly II: Can’t disagree.
James: Then don’t.
Scene 6
Bloomshire Library. Leopold is in the hospital bed.
Bloom is there with only one ear plug in.
Bloom: I thought any publicity was good publicity?
Leopold: Mostly it is. Mostly it is, but sex. Sex in America is an
emotional tick.
Bloom: Hot button?
Leopold: Flame-thrower trigger.
Bloom: Ashamed of their sexual appetites?
Leopold: Obese America is afraid to admit its lack of will power.
Bloom: God’s supposed to give them strength.
Leopold: That’s my point, they have no strength at all.
Bloom: So God either doesn’t exist or doesn’t give a shit.
Leopold: Has to be. The Reactionary Religious are still burning
witches in their heads.
Bloom: So that’s why you get married to get non-offensive sex?
Leopold: Better than Prostitution. Too much of a paper trail for a
business man.
Bloom: But prostitution is simply a business transaction. Money
for a service rendered.
Leopold: True. If I were a woman, pretty or not, I’d have been a
prostitute. Not only for the money, but also for the
cynical manipulation of men. I’ve always thought they
should legalize it and then tax it heavily.
Bloom: But you’ve been married seven times Dad? A lot of effort
just to get laid. Very expensive transactions each time.
Leopold: Part of the marketing budget actually. Good press. Good
publicity. But don’t count the first, your mother, not
business at all.
Bloom: But you come off as a sex crazed rich old fool.
Leopold: That’s okay bad press. People debate it with envy more
than distain. Free advertising.
Bloom: But so many. I get exhausted just remembering them all.
Leopold: I get bored easily.
Bloom: A family trait.
Leopold: Just not good at relationships.
Bloom: Not good with people.
Leopold: No good people to be good with.
Bloom: Absinth makes the heart grow fonder.
Leopold: You can go to the bank on it.
Bloom: And we have.
Leopold: Beverage business. Boy! Fad. Fickle. Get it while you can.
Bloom: Back to the marriage question then.
Leopold: You get what you can take. Yeah.
Bloom: Love is a drug.
Leopold: And drugs are profitable, large margins.
Bloom: Little ventured, much is gained?
Leopold: So you have learned something from me after all.
Bloom: Sadly, too much.
Act III
Rejoyce
Scene 1
Bloomshire library.
Leopold is in his sick bed.
Joyce paces back and forth.
Joyce: You can be such a shit.
Leopold: It was a life long ambition.
Joyce: Oh Daddy. Stop being . . . being you. So you.
Leopold: It’s been hard for me to be anyone but me.
Joyce: But I love you Daddy.
Leopold: It’s not necessary. You’re part of the family.
Joyce: See! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Just for a few minutes.
Leopold: Never rely on love. Positive emotions are unreliable.
Fickle. Fickle is love.
Joyce: You loved Bloom’s mom. I know you did. You never say
anything negative about her, ever.
Silence. Leopold: then sighs.
Leopold: Families never play fair. But it doesn’t matter.
Joyce: Family or love?
Leopold: Family matters. You know that.
Joyce: Not love?
Leopold: I try to act as if it doesn’t.
Joyce: A business thing?
Leopold: A family business thing.
Joyce: I know. I love you despite your reoccurring shitiness.
Leopold: We’re family. The rest is irrelevant.
Joyce: Not irrelevant.
Leopold: A lower priority then.
Joyce: Why can’t you say it?
Leopold: I just did, I thought.
Joyce: But you are . . . you won’t . . .
Leopold: Not likely but doesn’t change a thing.
Joyce: It will change everything.
Leopold: That’s a nice thought. I appreciate it.
Joyce: Christ in a phone booth! You can’t give it up at all.
Leopold: Go down fighting, true.
Joyce: Then don’t go down.
Leopold: If it was my choice.
Joyce: We have no choice at all.
Leopold: Very seldom in my experience. Very seldom, at all.
Joyce: Pre-destiny?
Leopold: Just destiny.
Joyce: Just . . .
Leopold: Family.
Joyce: is all.
Leopold: Family before Government, certainly.
Joyce: What does Government have to do with love?
Leopold: Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
Joyce: Control of the heart. An emotional police state.
Leopold: It’s the control and the taxes.
Joyce: Taxes of the heart? You’re such an anarchist. Not a
Republican.
Leopold: Never been a joiner. Never been coming apart that much.
Never needed to buy friends.
Joyce: You have no friends.
Leopold: To the point. My point indeed.
Joyce: Back to the family.
Leopold: Back to the Kin.
Joyce: Kin again?
Leopold: Yes, to kin again.
Joyce: Re-kin dull.
Leopold laughs his way out.
Scene 2
Bloomshire library.
Leopold is dead in his bed.
James stands beside the bed with his hand on Leopold’s forearm.
The medical staff is quietly backing up.
Joyce is crying in Bloom’s arms.
Bloom is crying too.
Molly is on her mobile phone mumbling.
She is trying to get a signal. She is neither crying nor emotional.
The doctor hands James a clipboard and points at a place for James to sign.
James signs. The Doctor points to another place. James signs there.
The Doctor takes the clipboard back. Signs two places and then rips off the red copy and hands it to James.
James holds it in his right hand. He puts his left hand back on Dead Dad Dignam’s forearm.
The medical staff then leaves.
Molly keeps trying to get a signal. She even shakes the phone.
Molly II: Damn it!
Then she walks out of the library without saying another word or even looking back.
James just stands there quietly, while Joyce and Bloom cry.
Dead Dad Dignam remains quiet too.
Scene 3
Molly II and James stand alone together just outside the Bloomshire library.
Most of the furniture is gone.
Boxes are scattered around.
Molly II: You should have held out longer.
James: Why?
Molly II: To get a better price.
James: The price was the price.
Molly II: A better broker would have brought more of a boost. Made
a better buying process.
James: Margins are mandated by market motivators. (giggles)
Molly II: You’re making fun of me again.
James: Not again – still.
Molly II: God, I’m going to be so happy not to be involved with this
family of loonies anymore.
James: A divorce of the Dignam descendants? (giggles)
Molly II:
(sighs deeply)
Is there away to make escrow go faster?
James:
(Shakes his head)
No, but . . . I don’t know.
Molly II: I’ll call Dedalus.
James: Dedalus deals in domestic documentation (giggles)
Molly II: Stop it!
She stamps her foot and breaks the heel of her shoe. She kicks the shoe off stage left. She turns and kicks the other off stage right.
James: Heal the heelless. Re-soul the soleless. (giggles)
Molly II stamps her bare foot this time and yells out in pain.
Molly II: I hate you people.
James: I don’t care.
Molly II: You all should care.
James: No. Really, I don’t care about you. Love or hate. Hard to
care about annoyance.
Molly II points repeatedly off stage. She is enraged.
Molly II: Get that . . . . Get those fucking books . . . Get that
cleared up. God Damn it! Should sell them too.
James: Contract says no.
Molly II: Contract with a dead man.
James: We all have a contract with the dead.
Molly II: You people make no sense at all.
James: No sense in not non-sense.
Molly II: Oh shut up!
She stamps her foot again and cries out again. Molly II storms of to the rear.
James takes out some keys and goes to unlock the library door.
Scene 4
Bloomshire library
Leopold stands on a small ladder, putting books back on the shelf.
On the desk is a stack of $100 bills.
James unlocks the door and walks into the library.
Leopold remains standing on the small ladder looking at the books.
He is counting to himself.
Leopold: Hello James.
James: How do you know it’s me? Holmes.
Leopold: You have the only other key.
James: No deduction at all.
Leopold: Also, by the way you turned the lock.
James: Family trait.
Leopold: Locks are important just like fences. Proper use of both is
important. I trained you well.
James walks over to the desk and picks up the packet of $100 bills. He flips them in the air.
James: What are these? Rich man’s book marks.
Leopold looks over his shoulder.
Leopold: Good idea. I trained you well indeed.
He gets down from the ladder and gently takes the money from James.
Leopold: Walking around money. Going to a Board meeting.
James: Bribes. Rich man’s bookmarks. Same thing. Got ja.
Leopold puts the money into his jacket pocket.
Leopold: Half the US currency is counterfeit.
James: Value is in the eye of the beholder.
Leopold: Always has been. Always will be.
James points at the books.
James: You ever read any of these?
Leopold: Never read nor play with your investments.
James: Or your food.
Leopold: Just so. Just so. Too important to fiddle with.
James: Too valuable for fun?
Leopold: They tax fun all of the time.
James: American Puritan Past at work in taxing sin.
Leopold: Mind and groin control.
James: We should go to the Board meeting.
Leopold: Yes, take this cash out for a walk.
He pats his jacket pocket.
James: Just business. No fun intended.
Leopold: I always wanted my life to lack Sin Tax.
James: If you can arrange that I’m all for it.
Leopold: Working on it. Working on it.
They leave.
Scene 5
James walks into the library alone.
Empty boxes scattered around. All the books are still on the shelves.
James taps on the empty desk where the stack of $100 bills had been.
He looks over to where his Dad had been standing.
James reaches up on his tip toes to pick out the book his Dad was replacing.
James hesitates and then pulls out the book carefully. He looks at the book. He walks over and locks the door to the library.
He walks back to the middle of the room (stage center) and opens the book.
He shakes his head.
James: There’s money in Joyce.
He tips the book over and $100 bills fall out.
James: Rich man’s book marks. I was right. Really funny Dad. A
life without sin tax. A death without the sin of tax. What
an arrangement.
James bends over to pick up the money while he dials his mobile phone.
James: Joyce. Get Bloom and come to the Library . . . No just you
and Bloom. We need to pack up the books . . . No we
should do it together. No really . . . Use our kid knock . . .
yes now! . . . Why not now? No you should care. You
have to care. Think of Dad’s last words. . . no not those
last words. His other last words. No not those either.
Just get Bloom and come Now!. It’s a family matter. It’s
all that matters. Family business!Yes . . . Yes . . . Yes!
THE END
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