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Jamaica, it’s the waiting mon!
by
Laura Sweet
Hey there! I live in Southern California, so I never thought of myself as an intense city type. You know, the stereotypical NYC workaholic-maniac type. No. LA is a big city, but . . .
Okay, you’ll see that even I can learn things about myself. And on vacations of all things. No Tibet needed for me. Self Enlightenment came to me in Jamaica. Well, maybe not enlightenment but so self knowledge and it changed me.
Lesson 1
Taking a vacation is something us American’s don’t do enough of. We’re always into our daily grind. Everything is fast, somehow never fast enough. We like it. When you go through a drive through they are timing themselves to service you within 1 minute or less. We are an “instant gratification culture”. The thrill of it all? Timed fast-food? What’s not fast enough? So, taking a vacation is a challenge for a lot of successful people I know. Traveling without your phone or computer or i-phone/blackberry! Always have to be in touch. Okay, and I did think of it as other people, not me, well, I used to think that. Not now. That’s the Lesson 1 part.
I now realize that winding down is a challenge even for me. Wondering what in the world I will do on a vacation for a week? Two weeks? Do I have to be busy all the time? Can I actually just relax? Can I leave my electronic communication device alone? I should have left them behind!? So I learned my lessons well. Tibet not required.
I recently went to Jamaica for a week. The idea of simply relaxing and enjoying myself was difficult to grasp. I didn’t know what I was in for however! I now realize that the modern post 911 airport sets you up for fundamental aspects of the vacation culture. Specifically, the Jamaican culture. Waiting! You now wait for everything! The world has become Disneyland. There is a long line for everything. All the hustle and bustle makes you think you are busy doing something, actually you are only busy getting nowhere and doing it slowly. Think about it.
You know, you have to get to the Airport at least 2 hours early for an international flight. Once you get through security what do you do for the next hour or so? Wait for your flight. And, on the flight, what are you doing? Flying, yes, but really, just sitting on your numbed butt anxiously waiting for the arrival at your destination.
Lesson 2
Well in Jamaica, it’s a whole different world! First you wait to go through customs, then to get your bags… all pretty normal stuff for traveling abroad. This is where it got funny to me. I rented a car. After I went through the usual stuff I still had an hour to wait before the car rental place even opened. At this point, was when I first realized what an impatient American I am. I used the Hertz rental car company so I expected it to be just like the usual hustle and bustle… not in Jamaica! Time is basically a guideline, maybe only a suggestion actually. The office folk get there when they get there. That’s when the office opens, when they get there, and they take their time doing it. See, I was frustrated already just to find this out. I didn’t want to stand in line. I wanted to get going on my vacation not wait for a guy in the white shirt to arrive to turn on the computers and start their day. My day didn’t seem to be an issue on this guys mind. He smiled as he slowly clicked and flipped switches. His eyes were noticeably red but happy. Happy eyed with a distant gaze that wasn’t looking at me. It was as if I wasn’t even there or maybe it was him that wasn’t here?
Maybe it’s the smoking?... maybe I needed to start right away! Because I was the only one that seemed to be bothered by this waiting, certainly no one behind the counter was. Of course, I had only just arrived. Finally after waiting for 2 hours, I got my car. By now I wanted a drink, but it was still morning!
Whew! Finally! Onto breakfast with my friend a local Jamaican guy I had met on a previous trip. No tourist traps for him of course. He took me to a local place, with local folks and their local food. No timed fast-food, never fast-food at all. It was a local place. Everyone knew Christopher. It was just like a big family. And Mom always moved on her own schedule. We waited and waited and waited some more. I admit though, the food was worth the wait.. We had aki & saltfish with steamed dumplings. Christopher, my friend, eats this every morning he has money to do so. It was interesting and good. I could eat it every day too! Aki is a vegetable that looks and feels like scrambled eggs. Saltfish is like dehydrated sardines… very salty, and when cooked with the aki it regains its moisture. The dumplings are like hockey pucks, very dense and solid when steamed, but when baked or fried they are like dinner rolls. Christopher likes them steamed. Too heavy for me but “when in Rome.,.”
We were to stay in a cute cottage off the strip across from the local beach. Only $35 per night per person for a little house: two bedrooms, one bath, decorated with an assortment of mismatched furniture, indoor and outdoor furniture didn’t have a distinction in Jamaica. Anyway, it was perfect.
Of course when we finally got there we went directly to find Paulette. This is the woman I made the reservation with. “They don’t take deposits, you just make an appointment and pay when you get there with cash mon.” So I had exchanged USA dollars for Jamaican cash, right after our long breakfast Hello. I thought she might be pissed since we arrived so much later than I said we would. We waited for Paulette to calmly organize her books and then take care of a couple of other guests needs before it was our turn to check in. She didn’t seem pissed at all. She smiled broadly with red happy eyes. It’s funny because I was the one getting pissed. I was in such a hurry to get my vacation started. You know, start my relaxing, these local folks, even while working, were more relaxed than me. These people seemed to live in a constant state of vacation. The pace at which they move is incredibly slow and it really brings to your awareness the fast pace you are use to. I mean I was already pretty relaxed and still had to roll it back a lot more to get on target with these guys!
Lesson 3
Finally, Christopher and I got into our cottage. We visited with each other a bit more and then we took a nap! More resting, and waiting for me! It takes a bit to unwind when you go on a vacation anyway… I needed some help. So we had a drink and went to get some weed. It’s Jamaica, Mon! They grow marijuana locally and sell it everywhere. It is illegal but who follows that rule? No one cares about the time, why care about a law or two? It’s an Island, Jamaica is. Island time, Jamaica time, of course we must include Marijuana!
Marijuana smoking being such a big part of the culture here, it likely was what was causing the exaggerated lack of urgency. We went to meet with one of Christopher’s friends to get the weed. We pulled up to him, gave him the money and Chris told him what he wanted in Patois… I had a difficult time understanding what they said in their native language. His friend disappeared into the neighborhood of assembled shack houses. After about 10 minutes I guess, he came back with a bag of weed. Chris gave him some money and then we waited again. I was unsure what for until the guy came back about 5 minutes later with a pack of papers and a lighter. I was impressed with the curb-side service. We never left the car! Finally we were smoking our purchase and destroying time ourselves. I got a bit more into the local pace of things.
Next, Chris wanted to go buy some shoes so we went into town. It started to pour down rain. It seems like everything stops for the rain. Islanders afraid of the water? All of the people in the town were just standing under awnings and inside little shack shops waiting for the rain to stop. Maybe they were just counting the raindrops, I don’t know. Christopher was also upset by the rain because now he could not go into the mall to buy his shoes without excessive exposure to those raindrops. He couldn’t park and then walk all of that way in the rain before getting into the mall. We sat in the car waiting for the rain to stop. It didn’t. Christopher decided to just drive over to a local shack shoe shop where you could park right in front of the door. Raindrop avoidance. He hurried inside on his shoe errand and I waited out in the car for a bit thinking how long does it take to buy a sole. Obviously, I was still high. Not long I guess because next he called out to me to come in. I braved the rain and then waited inside while he negotiated the price on his shoe purchase. I guess his choice was a private matter, haggling was for the public or maybe he needed a witness. So I witnessed his haggling. Then we waited for the guy to get the shoes. Then we waited for someone else to go get change for Christopher. Then we waited for the rain to stop? I felt like I was in OZ and that water might melt the Jamaicans. Maybe they were all witches. Wasn’t it the Wicked Witch of the North that got melted by Dorothy? But it didn’t stop so we just braved that short distance and got in the car and left. Just tap your heels together and say, “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.” So odd OZ is.
Have you noticed a theme here? Very casual society. No urgency anywhere for any reason at all ever! We went back to our cottage after waiting at Kentucky Fried Chicken for lunch! I told you that even the fast-food here wasn’t fast. And yep, I ate KFC in Jamaica as my second meal. It’s how the locals do it! And, we went for another nap! It was raining after all so what else do you do? Smoke, eat and then sleep. No fear of melting.
Christopher slept for a real long time. I was not as relaxed as that. I also did not know my way around and could not really do anything as a result so I waited for him to wake up and then we went out to a club. Wow! Jamaica! It’s the waiting Mon!
Lesson 4
Day two, Christopher woke up really early and went to work out. Yep, you guessed it, I waited for him to get back… I was kind of sleeping, anyway. When he did get back we went for breakfast and then waited for his friend Dada to bring the glass bottom snorkel boat. I did get a private snorkel tour though! We went out to the shore and got in that boat. Chris took me into the water and showed me all kinds of sea urchins and star fish and schools of fish, coral, it was beautiful! The water was sapphire blue and crystal clear! It was amazing! We fed the fish with bread and they surrounded us… 100’s of them! It was one of the coolest experiences in my life! No waiting required. The fish came up immediately is a big rush. Can’t smoke anything in the ocean. Marijuana not included.
After that Cousteau experience, we relaxed at the beach, played in the water, had some drinks and food and relaxed the rest of the day away. It was a great day. I was getting into this slow pace by now. It wasn’t waiting. It just was.
Within the next couple of days Christopher took me up north to Negril where we rented jet ski’s and played in the water all day. He also took me south to the falls in Ocho Rios. It was beautiful! You climb up the waterfall. We had patties and red stripe beer for lunch every day pretty much.
We also hung out at the local beach in Montego Bay which is where the cottages were, where we spent most of our time. We hung out at the local bars and restaurants at the beach. Shot pool at the pool table by the beach bar with Chris’ friends. Rode their jet skis for a couple of hours. We played in the water, went out dancing at night and did a lot of relaxing enhanced by the Marijuana time destruction mechanism.
Lesson 5
Chris and I were having such a nice time together that he asked me to stay a couple more days. If I was going to do that I would need more money. Money evaporated like time and the rain around here. The ATM system there is very primitive and no one trusted them, so I ended up having to go to the bank. You know them, they have the live tellers. It was Monday and apparently a slow day at the bank. To simply pull out an additional $300 off of my credit card took me about 3 hours! This is where the epidimy of waiting comes into play! I could barely believe my eyes when I saw the line. It was like one of the busiest days at Six Flags and you are getting in line for the best rollercoaster there is… except you really are just waiting to talk to a teller! No fun filled ride to follow. It took me about half an hour to get to a teller window. Once I got there some guy got into a fight with the teller I had been called up to. I had to wait for security to casually escort him out. Now it was my turn. Only to be told that I had to go to that desk over there for what I needed to do. UGH! There are no signs but somehow everyone knows exactly what to do. Geez, what was I a tourist? And they seem to expect to be there a long time. Going to the bank is more than just running an errand in Jamaica. It’s an event almost like going to a party or something. They socialize, go with friends and family. Bring a picnic lunch, KFC’d it. They are prepared for it to take so long.
Next I waited in line for the man at the desk for another half hour or so. The craziest thing here is that the Jamaicans also do not really do lines. They just kind of walk up in front of everyone else. And the person at the desk or whatever waits on them. That makes the line even longer. I couldn’t figure out their system… except that it is such a laid back society. They all seem to just take things as they come. Waiting is a big part of their culture. And moving slowly goes along with it. I wish I was still stoned. Maybe that was it. They were and I wasn’t! The Jamaican Boy scout Motto? “Be prepared. Be stoned.”
Finally I made it to the front of the desk where I was told to take the number the man gave me and waited over there until my number was called. Then I could talk to a clerk about my withdraw. Seriously! This was my 3rd line at the bank and now we were there for more than an hour! Christopher took a nap at the bank while I was going through the process here. I was afraid he would be upset, in America anyone who came to the bank with you and had to wait for any amount of time at all would probably be upset. Chris clearly expected to wait and was not bothered by it. After he woke up he went to wash the car.
So, after another 20 minutes or so my number finally got called. I figured this had to be it! I was finally going to get my money and the vacation would continue. But I was wrong! UGH! I was basically interrogated by this bank clerk and once I passed the test I got a voucher which had to be taken to another line to get my money! Yep, it’s true! But this one was the last line! Another 15 minutes and finally I had my cash to continue my vacation. It was one of the craziest experiences I have ever had! $300 for three hours work and it was my money. I had to work for it twice.
After the bank experience lying at the beach in the water with my time sense totally destroyed. We threw in some snorkeling and jet skiing too, all were very relaxing and pleasurable. Eventually, my vacation time expired. Time reappeared regrettably.
Lesson 6
No surprise here though, leaving is never easy. When I arrived at the airport to leave. My plane was delayed. Shocking! I had a couple of extra hours so I called Christopher to let him know and he met me back at the airport. We sat together and had our last meal of patties and red stripe and enjoyed each other’s company while I waited in Jamaica for the last time.
The moral of the story is when you go to Jamaica specifically, based on my experience, be prepared to simply relax. Get stoned is better. To smoke and wait and smoke and relax and wait some more! Oh, forget time all together. Their system is so different than ours. And remember time is just a suggestion! Clocks don’t matter That’s it. If you follow that direction you will really have a nice time. And if you can’t relax, used natural drugs, alcohol or Marijuana! They are both readily available. It will help mon!
JUST RELAX.
ENJOY IT.
IT’S THE END
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